How Did The Marriage Proposal Come To Be?

Like a lot of aspects of folk custom, there is little evidence about the origins of the marriage proposal. There is a lot of speculation about the origins of this modern practice, but these are really just speculations.

Before the Proposal: Marriage as a Social/Commercial Arrangement

Before we began the tradition of marrying for love, what is known as a companionate marriage, marriages were arranged for specific reasons related to social and/or commercial interests. Men didn’t just ask a woman’s father for permission, they (or their family) negotiated with the father over the bride price and various other arrangements. Both sides were looking for a favorable arrangement, and the woman’s willingness had little to do with it (nor, often, did the man’s).

These proposals were conducted behind closed doors, often without much ceremony, and sometimes the bride wouldn’t even know her betrothed.

Romanticism and the Rise of Companionate Marriage

Over time, people began to value their individual selves, and along with that came prioritizing things that mattered to the individual over what mattered to society and to their family. People began to believe that they should marry for love, and that the proper people to decide whether a marriage should take place were the man and woman actually undertaking the covenant.

This emphasis on individualism coincided with the rise of Romanticism in literature during the early 19th century, which included a fascination with the medieval period and its rituals.

Courtly Love and the Bended Knee

Courtly love is a tradition of medieval literature and society in which a knight pledged himself to serve a lady. As such, he made a gesture of obsequy to her similar to that he made to his feudal lord: falling to one knee and bowing.

Although in the tradition of courtly love, the woman was often unattainable (e.g. the queen and married to the knight’s lord) and the goal was spiritual purity rather than conjugal bliss, people of the 19th century seized on this gesture of falling to one knee to pledge one’s love, and it came to be the accepted way in which one proposed. It’s worth noting that the phrase “courtly love” wasn’t actually coined until the late 19th century, and much of what we see and think about the medieval period comes from the Romantics, not from the medieval period.

If you have decided to accept just such a Romantic proposal and are looking for an equally Romantic wedding venue, the Victorian styling of Stonebrook Manor in Denver may be perfect for you. Please contact us today to schedule a tour.